‘I hate her fiancé, I think he’s a waste of space and honestly a rock has more personality than him’: 31-year-old woman looks for advice on how to discourage her best friend from getting married

Author image for Olivia Arocena
Olivia Arocena • Writer and Editor
Sep 10, 2026 8:00 AM EDT

At one point, we all had a friend or family member whom we thought was trapped in a very bad relationship

It's obvious from the outside: the person isn't good for our friend, plus being in a relationship isn't mandatory; they can totally do life on their own and avoid unnecessary suffering, but when you are the person in a relationship like this, everything is much more complex.

It's like that metaphor people use of the boiling frogs. Bad things don't happen right from the beginning, and they also don't happen all at once. They usually come mixed with very good moments, nice trips, beautiful gestures, and one is often too deep in the relationship to back out once they start becoming more frequent.

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  • Cheezburger Image 10662554368
    via JAN Pictures

    The future wedding

    Scene shown is a visual representation

  • My best friend’s wedding is at the end of this month, and everyone wants her to leave the groom.

    I'm the maid of honor (F31) for my best friend of 12 years wedding (F31 Celine). I hate her fiancé (31M Jay), I think he's a waste of space and honestly a rock has more personality than him.
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  • I'm seeking advice on what to say to her so she will finally walk away. For context, they've been together for 4 years and 5 months. They connected when he DMed her on insta and he confessed he
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  • had an unrequited crush on her since high school. They were in similar cliques, but they never spoke to each other; he just knew her as the cute goth girl. She still is very much a goth, so it caught his attention and it made
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  • him reached out to her. My initial opinion wasn't the highest but it wasn't the lowest either. He is a hermit, lives out in the country, and his only friend. is his dog, and his truck. Then it came out that he has severe insecurities.
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  • And then I learned his home is a run down mobile home, and his truck is where he spends all his money on... Another sore spot is he doesn't make much money. Now the amount of money one makes is not an issue I'd
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  • judge on, but we will come back to this later. In the first 2 years, Jay had a bunch of insecurities and it made him think Celine was going to leave him at any moment. Insecurities such as him not being
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  • attractive, not being able. to provide, not making enough money, and not being good enough... We all have insecurities, but through their relationship he's constantly feared she's going to leave him and
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  • tells her constantly he's not good enough for her. Pretty d in grating in my opinion. The proposal is when I started to see actual red flags . Up until that point, I saw him as meek,
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  • but Celine was happy so I gave him grace. However, the man proposes with no ring just a string (actual string), and proceeds to throws my boyfriend, now husband, (M30 Rick) under the bus and says "I would of had a ring, but I
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  • asked Rick for your ring size and he never got back to me." Which is downright a LIE, and when Celine told me the news I made sure to check Rick's phone on the spot to confirm he never got a message from Jay.
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  • That just didn't sit right with me at all and my husband was so ped. Because up until that point he was trying to be his friend and give him career advice to help him get more money.
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  • So wedding planning commences. They are 3 years into the relationship and set the wedding date far out to give enough time to plan.... Spoiler it wasn't enough time.
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  • In the midst of planning, I have basically been filling in for what he should be participating in. From wedding venue decisions, to decorations, going to all the meetings, I even found vendors! Anything she can get him to join in on, after
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  • constant reminders, when asked for his opinion he just shrugs and gives an idk response. Getting him to participate in this wedding is like pulling teeth with him. Then 4 months out he
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  • asks for the wedding to be postponed. He says he can't handle her sudden shift in mood and shes being mean to him. Mind you, they don't live together, because his place is in shambles. All she requested was he fix
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  • the windows so when she does move in her cat won't accidentally break out. Her parents sit them both down to talk and get them to communicate and figure out is going on because they are the ones funding all of the wedding
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  • Cheezburger Image 10662554624
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    Should they get married?

    Licensed media provided as editorial context.



     

  • Drawing boundaries becomes difficult because, rationally, we all have insecurities, and why wouldn’t we stand by our partners if they’re having a rough time? The thing is, most of the time in toxic relationships, those rough times are never-ending, and they’re mostly used as a manipulation tactic.

  • (about 25k at this point). The decision they make is to have the wedding but not sign the marriage license to make it legal. All seems good for 24hrs until he reaches out to me and ask if I think Celine will be happy with him and if she
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  • can change to be nicer to him. I call his a out in the nicest way possible saying he needs a lot of self reflection and to seek therapy/counseling. He then messages Celine and tells her I'm not helping his
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  • mental health, and that I reached out to him first out of concern. Another din LIE. So I go off on him, and tell him he's a lying pos and he's not communicating, so I see him as the
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  • problem. That seems to get him to start helping and changes his attitude, but I know it's only a matter of time. So this week, his mother (who hasn't contributed squat to the wedding)
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  • reaches out to Celine's mom to tell her the wedding needs to be called off. Jay wants to end the wedding and the relationship, he's been crying hysterically, is in heaps of debt to spend money on Celine to keep
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  • her happy, so he keeps over drafting his cards. Celine was over at his place and he told her nothing. Of course the parents are freaked out and tell Celine and she confronts Jay. His answer, "oh I didn't want to tell you
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  • in case I changed my mind." Which speaks even more about his character If things couldn't get worse, he also tells her he has to go out of town for 5 weeks for work and the wedding is at the end of
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  • this month. At this point, I don't think he wants to marry her, but I don't think she should marry him! I asked her why is she still continuing with him, but she's just so emotionally numb. She feels like they've come so
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  • far and it would sk to have to start over, but she thinks it's just his nerves that are causing him to act this way. I left a lot out since this was getting pretty long, but my concerns are if he can lie about little things
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  • he will most certainly lie about big things. We learned he's in debt, but not sure on the amount. My fear is if they did get married Celine is at risk. Again, I just want advice on what to tell her to finally leave this piece of trash.
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  • He's been caught in too many lies and it's not going to get better. H II don't even know what kind of wedding speech to give that won't show how much I hate him.
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  • Cheezburger Image 10662554880
    via Vitaly Gariev

    Sometimes our friends notice the toxicity before we do

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  • As a friend or family member of someone who’s in terrible relationship drama, there are things one can do to help. The most important thing is to stay by their side. It can be difficult because the constant drama can get tiring, but if we truly love the person, we should make the effort and stick by them.

    The second thing on the list would be to advise them to wait for marriage and seek counseling! Lol. This part can be especially hard and met with resistance, but we don’t lose anything by trying. Notice how we’re not suggesting they break up, only that they wait a little to take such a huge step.

    We need to remind them there is no hurry to get married, and there is no need to live in a constant state of drama; there are other ways to spend our days!

    Anyway, that’s what I would do as a friend. What do you think you would do if you were the friend in this situation?

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relationship advice wedding party wedding drama relationships wedding toxic relationship relationship drama
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